Funny Graduation Quotes

You don your mortarboard cap and glossy gown to mark your march down the commencement podium. Your family, teachers and friends look at you with a glint of pride in their eyes, as this is the day you graduate from senior high or college. This is one day that all parents, students and even teachers await, as this day comes after a lot of hard work and sweat put in by all. An air of somberness will be present. You can diffuse the tension by including some funny quotes in your graduation speech. Here are some options.

Umtata High School 1944

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did. – Jeff Foxworthy

High School is a lot like toilet paper, you only miss it when its gone.

College isn’t the place to go for ideas. – Helen Keller

In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards. – Mark Twain

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing worth knowing can be taught. – Oscar Wilde

If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere. – Frank A. Clark

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that “individuality” is the key to success. – Robert Orben

Education is a progressive discovery of your own ignorance. – Will Durant

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. – Mark Twain

My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary section. – Norm Crosby

Your families are extremely proud of you. You can’t imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money. – Gary Bolding

It is indeed ironic that we spend our school days yearning to graduate and our remaining days waxing nostalgic about our school days. – Isabel Waxman

People will frighten you about a graduation….They use words you don’t hear often… ‘And we wish you Godspeed.’ It is a warning, Godspeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices. – Bill Cosby

Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated. – Garry Trudeau

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who’ll decide where to go. – Dr. Seuss

There is a good reason they call these ceremonies ‘commencement exercises’. Graduation is not the end; it’s the beginning. – Orrin Hatch

Yes, the lectures are optional. Graduation is also optional. – Bob Bickford

The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving. – Russell Green

Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught. – Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary

These are a few quotes that you can use to add to your graduation speech or write it down on the card given with the graduation gift, you are going to present someone. Including these quotes will not only tickle the ribs of the audience, but also enlighten and inspire them for the future.